I really struggled about where this post belonged. I have several blogs, and none of them seemed to really match this post. So, for now, it’s here.
I had another nightmare. The recurring type that I used to have all the time. The one in which I’m trapped by someone or something, but I always manage to escape and always end up being chased but in the end, getting away. After all, it’s just a dream, and I CAN control them. To a point.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had this awful dream where I’m being chased. And I never usually know who is chasing me. Once it was a product manufactured by the company I worked for, sometimes it’s an actual monster, sometimes it’s a man whose face I do not know and have never seen.
In doing some research, dreams about being chased are fairly common and represent anxiety and how one deals with it in their waking life. This is not good news for me. I’m an avoider. I avoid things. I’m avoidy. And I’ve been that way all my life. I don’t like confrontation, or upsetting people, and if I don’t like having to deal with something uncomfortable, I’d just rather not.
And now that this awful dream has come rushing back, I think I need to deal with the reality of it. Maybe if I stop being avoidy the dream will stop poking around in my head.
The funny thing about this particular dream was that it didn’t scare me. Usually I wake up in a cold sweat and trying to do anything not to have to go back to sleep. Usually it’s the little details of the dream that would make a normal person run in the other direction with the horror movie-like effects it would have. But this time, nothing. This time, I was simply tied up, an action that sends me chills just thinking about it. This time, I simply untied myself and ran away.
I don’t really know what that little difference says for my waking life. But I think as I grow and get older I become more aware. And perhaps this time around, I’ll deal with things and not be avoidy. And I’m going to make an effort, a real effort at this. I just have to figure out what I’m avoiding and how to confront it head on.
Come to think of it, this might be a good Lenten project.