You know who is confused? Bimbos. They’re easily confused. It’s one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares; their sluggish, unencumbered minds; their unresolved daddy issues. I love them Lily, and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin—mostly thin. B-man don’t do thick crust, what up!

Barney, “Do I Know You?”

I nailed our bail jumper 100 yards from México. Twenty-five hundred bucks. No sack dinners tonight. Tonight, we eat like the lower-middle class to which we aspire! Fire up the hibachi!

–Keith Mars, “Pilot”

 

Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how’s everyone gonna know you’re a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?

–Lily, “The Platinum Rule”

 

I’m off to steal the souls of the rich with my evil image caputuring device.

                                                                            – Veronica, “Lord of the Pi’s”

 

You’re here for your looks. Why don’t you leave the heavy thinking to me, sugarpants? Now go make yourself pretty.

                                                                      – Veronica, “Blast from the Past”

 

Just be glad I don’t flip my hair.  I’d own you.

                                                                      – Veronica, “An Echolls Family Christmas”

 

The problem with acting normal is that normal people get into stupid situations.

                                                                      – Dexter, “Love, American Style”

 

We’re adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

                                                                     – Meredith Grey, “Shake Your Groove Thing”

 

You know those people who can predict when change is coming in their life? I’m not one of them. Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face.

                                                                     – Vernonica, “You Think You Know Somebody”

 

This is a low moment for the Barnacle. I should be off playing laser-tag right now but instead … don’t look at me, I’m hideous…I’m a Ted! I’m wearing elastic waste fleece pants.

                                                                    – Barney, “How Lily Stole Christmas”

 

Care to share what you two free-spirited lads were up to? I’ll give you a hint: it was squalid.

                                                                    – Veronica Mars, “Of Vice and Men”

 

One of the twenty-four similarities between girls and fish is that they’re both attracted to shiny objects. You really never read my blog, do you?

                                                                    –Barney Stinson, “Okay, Awesome!”