Living in a constant state of panic

I’m a very laid back person.  Seriously.  Anybody who knows me now can see that I try to have no worries, because whatever happens happens.  If you were to approach me 5 years ago… heck, even 2 years ago, you would not have thought I was laid back and you would have seen panic clearly written across my face at all times.

Okay, maybe not THAT extreme.  But I often let stress take hold of me and felt it squeeze really hard until I could no longer breathe.

I’m not sure when it happened, but there must have been a moment when things completely changed, and I became a less stress-containing, less high-maintenance person.  Looking back, I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when that all changed.  And I’m wondering if it’s something important to even pay attention to.

And I never realized that when all that DID change that I would be living in a constant state of panic internally.  Okay, now THAT is dramatic.  But sometimes it feels that way.  I like to compartmentalize things.  It’s a simple way of not dealing with stress head on, but rather taking it in small doses that give off the appearance of a laid back person.  And it works.  In theory.

In theory, Communism works, too.  But I don’t think I want to be a communist.  Not yet, anyway.

But right now, I’m maxing out at 100 mph in life.  Things are moving quickly, but at the same time, they are not moving fast enough. 

There are a few things I want to focus on, but at the same time, timing is extremely important in all of those things.  I don’t want to appear to be too anxious about any of them because what if something happens and I can’t move forward with other plans, or life in general.

Right now, at this very moment, there are a few things on my mind.  To start with, the engagement.  And the wedding part of that.  I want to start planning.  I want to set a date.  But I can’t do any of those things because I haven’t told my parents yet.  It’s been over a month, and they still have not met Chriso.

And Chriso and I want to start a family.  This is a huge burden for me.  Mostly because I think I’m broken.  We’ve been trying for 3 months, and I know that short period of time is not enough to make me freak out, but it is.  There are a lot of women out there who have one-night-stands and pregnancy is the result.  And I also know that there are couples that try for years before they have any kind of luck.  Rationally, I know it’s too early to wonder if anything is wrong.  But I can’t help it.

So, to take my mind off that painful and stressful thing, I want to plan a wedding.  Which I can’t do because Chriso and I haven’t really talked about it and I haven’t told my parents yet.

And I want to move to a warmer climate.  Right now, Chriso and I both have obligations that are preventing us from moving yesterday.  So we agreed to wait until July.  And I want to start apartment/house hunting, and scoping things out.  Except, we have no idea where we are going to go.  Sure, there are a few places on the list.  But I want to pick one and plan. 

There are so many things going through my head and so many things I want to be doing but can’t because there are other things that need to come first.  Other plans and issues that need to be ironed out.  I can’t just jump ahead.  I have to follow the steps and have that be that.  

I have to play the game.

And I need to relax.

No. More. Stress.

A look at main characters…

Chriso and I have frequent disucssions that usually end with me giggling to myself about how what he just said reminded me of something that happened on one show or another.  And he puts up with the giggling.  Mostly because it’s funny.  And he can appreciate that I can see the world as it is, and relate it back to something else. 

Usually How I Met Your Mother, or the Office or some other random show that pops into my head at any given moment.

During one of our discussions, we started talking directly about TV (rather than having me relate with hysterical laughter), and the differences between true ensemble shows, and shows that clearly have one focal character. 

I really think that even though an ensemble show revolves around a group of characters, there is still a main character that everyone seems to revolve around. 

Take a look at the Office, for starters.  Now in it’s 5th season on air.  From the beginning, it was pretty clear that it was Michael’s show.  Sure, there are Jim/Pam storylines, and the stuff with Dwight is always hilarious.  But when it all comes down to the core, Michael Scott is still the center of the show.  And Steve Carrell is fantastic, so it’s no wonder that he steals the show.  But who isn’t rooting for Michael to do something funny or try to be serious or finally get the girl even though the girl is Jan or Holly, or whoever else might come about.  And who doesn’t think Michael is crazy when he clearly shows his abhorrance for Toby? 

Then you have a show like Friends.  It’s a little harder to determine if there is one focal character of this show.  I actually think there are six focal characters.  And this may be the current day exception making this a true ensemble show.  Even though the Ross/Rachel storyline is prevalent throughout the entire series, it was never about JUST Ross and Rachel.  And it was never just about Monica or Chandler or Pheobe or Joey.  It was truly about the interactions between all six of them and how they dealt with everyday and not-so-everyday situations.

What I find interesting is that the longer the show is on the air, and the more episodes they have, the clearer it is to see who the main character is.  And sometimes the main character in the beginning of the series is not the main character 5 years in, or towards the end.

But with keeping all that in mind, what really makes a main character?  Is it the comic relief?  Or is it something deeper?  It’s easy to see the characters that are there for comic relief in some shows, but does being the “butt” of everyone’s jokes really make them the center of attention for another reason?

I’ve listed below a few shows that, in my opinion, you can see clearly who the main characters are.  I’m sure I’ve missed some because I’m fairly certain there are many MANY more.  So weigh in, gentle readers, and let me know what you think.

Ensemble Show – Main Character

Cheers  – Sam

Two and a Half Men  -  Charlie

How I Met Your Mother  -  after much debate, both with Chriso and internally, the tie is between Barney and Ted, as Barney is CLEARLY comic relief, it would come as no surprise in the next years that the story was REALLY about Barney rather than Ted meeting his wife

Big Bang Theory  -  Leonard, although, I think in a show like this that is still only in it’s Sophomore season, it’s a little early to determine who the main character is going to be.  This is another show that I think might turn around…

The Simpsons – formerly Bart, currently Homer

The Family Guy  -  Peter

The Golden Girls  -  Dorothy

That 70’s Show  -  Eric… Fes was comic relief… as was everyone else, I’m pretty sure

Will & Grace  -  Grace… Jack was CLEARLY comic relief.  This is another one of those shows that’s unclear mostly because Will and Grace intertwined so much

Sex and the City  -  Carrie, no question

Friends  -  This is unclear… the whole cast was full of main characters

Seinfeld  -  Jerry (no-brainer)

Now, I don’t think this applies to just sitcoms either.  Thinking about it now, I can clearly see similar patterns in hour-long dramas that have existed through the years.  Shows like Grey’s Anatomy, House, Dexter… they all have fantastic supporting casts, but there is always a focal character. 

What do you think, gentle readers?